Wednesday, November 16, 2011

"I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, 'Never mind! I'll do it myself.' Erma Bombeck

As a mom, I want to be a good one.  I want to provide a good, comfortable home for my family.  However, that is not the only job I have as a mother.  Someday, eventually, we want our kids to leave and when they do we want them to be capable, functioning adults. 
There needs to be a balance.  I think our family's  balance got off and that's why there was some resentment and this mama was fed up.  My kids were expecting me -the mom- to do it all without exerting their own effort in maintaining the house.  Granted, I take blame for some of it in doing too much for them. 

The kids have always had expectations.  Make your bed; Clean your room;  Do your homework;  Help with dinner etc.  Yet despite these expectations things were not getting done.  They didn't feel that ownership or responsibility.

 I haven't read the book The Entitlement Trap by Linda and Richard Eyre, but I have read excerpts.  According to what I've read, the book proposes that  our children in this affluent society feel entitled (spoiled?) to receive privileges without any effort on their part.

I put a new Reward system in place.  It's called the Minor Accountability Plan.  Basically it gives points each week for jobs done.   Those points are cashed for money.    This system is pretty similar to what I had before, yet there are also consequences if they do not earn a certain amount of points.  They lose privileges.  Privileges that hurt.  (The older ones lose their privilege of having a phone)

As a mom, I love my children, yet sometimes as the legendary Erma Bombeck says we are punishing our kids when we do it all.  We are not letting them grow into normal, functioning human beings that contribute to our society , not to mention a much happier mom and home now.

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